


Memory Cove

by teamrebecchi



Category: Neighbours (TV), neighfics - Fandom
Genre: Anger Management, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecurity, Multi, Unreliable Narrator, buried resentment, flashbacks - showing objective pov of what really happened, fractured sibling relationships, troublesome relationship between parents and children
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-06 18:46:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13417359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teamrebecchi/pseuds/teamrebecchi
Summary: Follows the lives of each member of the Brennan family following Russell's death.





	1. Secrets and Lies

**Author's Note:**

> This story will focus on all the Brennan family with each chapter tackling a different character or relationship. 
> 
> Each character will have their own arc that is important for their development throughout the story. Therefore, the writing and structure of the chapter will differ depending on who the feature character or relationship is in that chapter. 
> 
> Events will take place in both the present day and the past. 
> 
> Chloe will be featured however, as she will be an original character it will take some time to develop her. 
> 
> None of the Brennan brothers romantic relationships will be featured in the story. 
> 
> This story continues with the premise that Russell is not the father of one of the boys however, which one isn't his son will never be mentioned in the story and the real father won't enter the picture in present day events. This is specifically for the purpose of Fay's arc. 
> 
> Memory Cove is a fic focused on the way I personally think the storyline following Russell’s death should have been handled. Therefore, it is important for the sake of the story for canon to be ignored.
> 
> More tags (additional tags and relationships) will be added as the story goes on.
> 
> The chapters do not follow on directly from the previous one.

_“Lies and secrets. They eat away what is good and leave only destruction behind.”_

**Cassandra Clare**

** Feature Character: Fay Brennan **

 

**Present Day: 24 Ramsay Street**

 

David’s words were echoing through her mind, ‘ _Your dad said something, just before he died. Does Memory Cove mean anything to you?_ ’

 _“Memory Cove_ ,” Fay thought to herself, “ _Why did it have to be Memory Cove?_ ”

A million thoughts flashed through her mind reminding her of everything she would lose if the truth was revealed and that it was essential for her to maintain her composure as to avoid alerting suspicion that she knew what Russell meant. She tried to remain calm and hold herself together but the more she tried, the more agitated she became. Her breathing got heavier to the point where she started to feel sick as more and more questions started racing through her mind.

“ _Why? Why that place?”_  Fay pondered to herself,  _“why did that place have to be the last thing on Russell’s mind? Couldn’t he have just apologised? Why couldn’t he have just apologised?”_

Russell’s actions didn’t make any sense to her. He had done so much damage and caused so much irreparable pain and suffering to her family, apologising would have been the right thing for him to do. Something that everyone needed, they deserved an apology for what he did. A sign that he was remorseful and that he regretted everything he’d done and wanted to make things right.

 _“Couldn’t he have just told the doctors to let his sons know he was sorry for what he did?”_ Fay attempted to rationalise what happened,  _“even if he didn’t apologise, why didn’t be ask for one of the boys? Mark had always been his favourite and Tyler… he could have said something like ‘tell Tyler I’m sorry’.”_

An apology could never make right what he’d done to Tyler but it would have been something. A way to let him know he regretted everything he did. Fay’s anger begun to take hold the more she thought about the abuse,  _“BASTARD!”_  she thought to herself as she clenched her jaw to make sure she didn’t scream. The more she thought about what had happened, the angrier she got. Russell always had a temper but she never thought for a second that leaving the boys with him would be a bad thing.  _“He’d never hurt me so he wouldn’t hurt the boys”,_  was the mentality she maintained for years. It was her safety blanket and a way to ease her guilt about leaving them. She’d never considered that they might be in danger or that Russell was threat to them. That ignorance had eaten away at her from the moment she got the call telling her what Russell had done to Tyler. Just thinking about it consumed her with guilt. Guilt for not insisting that he left when she and Chloe did or checking up on him over the years, especially after Mark and Aaron had left. 

“ _That should have been what he was thinking about_ ,” Fay concluded, “but instead h _e brought up the one thing he knew would hurt this family even more and used his final moments for revenge. How could he do—Oh, my god!”_ Fay came to a sudden and horrible realisation,  _“He thought the boys weren’t coming and that they were never going to forgive him, didn’t he? That’s why he said it – he wanted to hurt them.”_

She nearly burst into tears are the mere thought that Russell had been trying to hurt her sons with his dying words. All she could think was:  _“Sooner or later the boys will start questioning this and when they do… they are going to hate me. They are going to be devastated. How are they going to come back from this? How am I going to explain any of this to them?”_

Everything was racing through her mind and the realisation that she would have to tell them the truth eventually caused her wrists to itch uncontrollably. The floodgates were going to open one day and Mark, Aaron and Tyler would end up hating her just like Russell did. Their lives were never going to be the same again and it would be her fault. She’d made so many mistakes leaving, and even with her relationship with Tyler and Aaron on the mends, once the truth was out it would all be over. Her relationship with Tyler especially would never recover and there was no way he would ever forgive her for what she did. Aaron was unpredictable. She hadn’t spent much time with him but the truth could shatter everything they were working towards. Then there was Mark, she like the rest of the family knew he had anger issues, similar to Russell and he got the same look in his eyes when he was about to lose his temper. It truly was a calm before the storm kind of look. Just thinking about it took her back to that day, to the moment hers, Russell’s and their entire family changed for the worse.

 

**Port Lincoln: Spring 2001**

_‘HE ISN’T EVEN YOUR SON!’_ Fay screamed in a harsh voice as the force of the storm blew the kitchen window open shattering a glass vase.  

 _‘I had an affair at Memory Cove—’_ she continued before Russell interrupted her.

 _‘Who is he?’_  Russell demanded.

Fay sighed.  _‘I don’t know. I can’t remember._ _’_

She attempted to continue but the sound of her voice was slowly being drowned out by the mumbled voice of another person in the distance. A person whose blurred face was starting to replace Russell’s until she couldn’t see him anymore.  

 

 

**Present Day: 24 Ramsay Street**

_‘Mum?’_  A faint voice called out.

 _‘Mum?_ ’ the voice whispered, ‘are _you okay?’_ it became clearer and what was originally a blurred image revealed itself to be Aaron standing there, holding onto her arm. 

 _‘Are you okay?’_ Aaron asked in a gentle voice.

 _‘Yes,’_ Fay smiled softly, ‘ _Yes, I’m fine.’_

Aaron continued to questioned her, unconvinced with a concerned look on his face.  _‘Are you sure? You don’t look okay.’  
_

‘ _It’s all good.’_  Fay responded to Aaron, while patting him on the arm and smiling in an attempt to reassure him that there was nothing wrong. Giving him the incentive to leave her and re-join Mark and Tyler. 

Aaron had brought her back to reality but being there, in that house and watching the grief over Russell’s death consume the boys just forced her to confront everything she’d done to her family, everything that Russell had done to her family. Every time she thought about that day, she wished she could stop herself from saying those four words, stop that entire conversation from ever happening. She couldn’t even remember why she felt the way she did. Everything was just a blur. The events leading up to that day, the reason for why she felt so angry and was so upset with Russell. All she knew for certain was that her words caused a ripple effect that ended up hurting everyone she loved all because she’d never considered the full extent of her actions and she couldn’t even remember why.

‘ _What does Memory Cove mean?’_  Tyler asked while looking directly at Fay.

 _“He’s looking at me,”_  Fay thought,  _“why is he looking at me? Does he know what Russell meant and that it was aimed at me?”_

The idea that Tyler knew that Memory Cove was connected to her caused her wrists to itch uncontrollably. Over the years, whenever she’d been stressed, her wrists would begin to itch. It didn’t matter what the cause of her stress was, whether it was something serious or insignificant, the result was the same. The boys were bound to recognise the rash that was slowly emerging but she’d hoped that since this was something that had developed after she left Russell, they wouldn’t recognise it for what it was. 

Fay took a deep breath and sighed, thinking to herself:  _“Thank god Chloe is in New York. If she were here, she’d know something was wrong and neither her nor Magdalena would stop until I told them what was wrong and then everyone would know and then-”_

 _‘Are you okay mum?’_  Aaron asked abruptly pointing to the rash that had developed on her wrists.

Before she had a chance to answer, Mark interrupted.  

 _‘We used to go to Memory Cove all the time when we were kids. Don’t you remember? Dad used to call it our little adventures. That must have been why he mentioned it,’_ Mark said happily, ‘ _he was thinking about when we used to go there as a family.’_

 _“We did? Of course, we did. We used to go there all the time,”_  Fay remembered and smiled,  _“How did I forget that?”_

She hadn’t considered Russell might have been talking about their time there as a family. They’d shared so many beautiful memories at Memory Cove and yet, when confronted with the reality of that place, the only thing she could think of was all the secrets she had kept from Russell and from her family, all the years she’d lied to and deceived them. It was no longer a place where they went on holidays and where they were happy, it wasn’t even a place where she and Russell had grown closer together. Every memory she had of Memory Cove was tainted by betrayal and secrecy.

 _“When did this happen?”,_  Fay asked herself,  _“When did Memory Cove become a reminder of the affair instead of my family and our happiness together? Why wasn’t that the first thing I thought of?”_

 _‘There was this one time that Tyler wandered off, and we thought something had happened to him.’_ Mark said.

 _‘He was just a toddler._ ’ Fay replied.

 _“Yeah, I can kind of remember.’_  Aaron responded confused, obviously unable to remember the significance of the place.  

 _‘You and Chloe weren’t much older. Anyway, we all went searching for him. It felt like he was gone for ages. And when we found him, he was sitting on a rock, bare- bummed, playing with his nappy.’_ Mark reminisced while looking directly at Fay.

Fay laughed. ‘ _He had a sunburnt head.’_

 _‘Yeah. That was the last time we all went camping as a family. All of us piled in the caravan, and we went swimming, and fishing, and playing Frisbee on the beach. Remember how happy Dad was_?’ Mark recalled with a smile on his face.

 _‘I do.’_  Fay whispered.

For a moment, she’d forgotten all the horrible things that had happened. All the secrets and lies and could see Memory Cove for what it was: a beautiful place where the Brennans had gone on adventures and had fun together as a family. But slowly those happy memories begun to fade and they turned into sad ones. The fun they had driving to Memory Cove in that caravan on those nice, warm days turned into a reminder about the chill in the air the day that man came into her life, all their moments together as a family turned into the loneliness she felt for years about what she had done, her and Russell’s first date at Memory Cove was replaced by her night with that stranger. Everything was destroyed. Those secrets had soiled everything and filled her with envy. Envy that was increasing the more she watched Tyler, Mark and Aaron reminisce about their childhoods. Where they could still see the beauty of Memory Cove and the happiness associated with that place, she could only see the secrecy, lies and devastation.

 _‘Maybe dad just wanted us to remember the good times.’_  Aaron said looking at the ground in a soft tone.

 _‘Yeah.’_ Mark beamed, ‘ _I liked that thought.’_

 _“That was what they wanted to believe_ ,” Fay thought to herself,  _“They wanted to believe Russell was happy at the end and was thinking about all of them. I can’t take that away from them.”_

The more she thought about it, the more she realised she couldn’t be around her sons much longer. She needed to stay and support them in their grief but the very idea of being near them, knowing the damage she caused was more than she could handle. There was so much pain in that house and eventually, the joy they had been reminded of was going to disintegrate and the full impact of what really happened was going to set in and there would be no coming back from that. Those beautiful memories were going to be tainted forever for them too.

 _‘I’m just going to go out for a bit, okay?’_ Fay announced suddenly to the room before grabbing her bag and disappeared out the front door.

She needed to get out of the house immediately. As the screen door slammed shut behind her, a massive weight was lifted – she didn’t have to be confronted with what was going to happen or see her children in that state, at least not yet. Those thoughts, everything about Memory Cove, it was something she couldn’t bury anymore. It was in her head, everything had come back and there was no running away from the past this time.

 _“I guess that’s the thing about secrets,”_  Fay realised as she started to cry,  _“they either destroy you or the truth does when it’s revealed – there is no escaping their destruction.”_


	2. The Scars You Bare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Focuses on Tyler's struggles after finding out his father is dead.

_The scars that you bare_  
do not make you inadequate or weak;   
they make you a survivor.

[ **j.s.** ](http://softmcgraw.tumblr.com/post/139346478583/the-scars-that-you-bare-do-not-make-you)

 

** Feature Character: Tyler Brennan **

 

He needed to get out of the house and away from everyone. The mere thought of being around his family, even at a time like this was too much for him to handle. He needed to be alone, somewhere he could think without any reminders about what had happened. Where he didn’t have anyone constantly asking if he was okay or insisting that everything would be fine and trying to influence how he felt about everything that was happening.

He sat on the outskirts of the city. It was nice and quiet and there was a chill in the air coming from the sea. Unfortunately, the silence and lack of distractions resulted in his mind wandering and constantly going back to the moment he heard his father had died. Along with being reminded how long it took him to make a decision as to whether he wanted to go to Port Lincoln or not and say goodbye. His indecisiveness ended up costing Mark and Aaron the opportunity to say goodbye. It didn’t even matter if they blamed him outright, he knew they were thinking it. It was something that would always be there in the back of their minds and something that would taint their relationship. They were never going to forget what they'd missed out on because of him. The way they looked at him, he already knew they blamed him for this. It was in their eyes, he saw it the moment the news broke that Russell had died. What made it worse was that he had no way of finding out whether what he was thinking was true or not. If they did blame him, he would never get an honest answer from either of them because they would both lie. They always did where he was concerned. Mark especially would never have told him the truth about how he felt and Aaron would have made it about himself, reminding him that he wasn’t sure about going to Port Lincoln either. Whatever they said, it would have been a way to try and erase any guilt he was feeling. It wouldn't have meant anything.

The more he thought about not going to Port Lincoln, the more he got scared because the truth was that as much as he wanted to let go and move on from the past, he couldn’t do it. Even in the midst of knowing his father was going to die and that he would never have the chance to see or speak to him again made no difference. It was as though nothing had changed. The thought of standing in that hospital room and facing his father again, even in his final moments were terrifying. Particularly as he had no way or knowing what would happen if he entered that hospital room. Was his father going to ask him for forgiveness? Was he going to finally apologise for everything he’d done? Did he even want to see him or did he only want to see Mark and Aaron? These questions were haunting him because each scenario that played out in his head was worse than the one before it. It was a big part of why he'dd taken so long to make a decision. He needed to prepare – he couldn’t just go there without thinking it through first. He needed to know what might happen, what he was going to face and be prepared for every possible scenario that might play out the moment he entered that hospital room. 

If he had wanted to apologise for everything, did that mean he was obligated to forgive him because he regretted it and was dying? And what would have happened he did want forgiveness and he wasn’t able or ready to give it to him? It was something he was going to have to live with forever. That even on his father's deathbed, he couldn’t give him the one thing he desperately needed in order to be at peace. The guilt alone would have ended up eating him alive. On the other hand, if he forgave him, it would have had the same outcome. He would have either been forced to acknowledge the past before he was ready to or pretend it had never happened in order to give his father what he needed and he didn’t know if it was worth it. Or if it was something he could even live with. And if he avoided saying anything at all, there would have been a regret and emptiness inside of him built on 'what ifs', knowing he could have said something and didn't. There was also the matter of not wanting to see him. The knowledge that his father was in another state, was somewhere he didn’t need to worry about seeing him or speaking to him enabled him to focus. It allowed him to put the past behind him and pretend it never happened. There was nothing in Erinsborough to remind him of it so he could move forward with his life. He knew it wasn't the healthiest option but it was what he needed. Without it, he would never have been able to remove himself from everything that reminded him of the abuse and he was happy with that. He didn’t want to confront the past, at least not yet.

The problem with what he was feeling was that he couldn’t put it into words. He couldn’t explain it to anyone or make them understand how he felt and what the idea of seeing his father again was doing to him. He'd been dreading every possible future interaction with his father since the moment he left Erinsborough, but he couldn’t tell his family that. Even knowing it could be the last time he might see him wasn’t enough to rid him of that fear. It was easier for them to make an assumption about why he didn’t want to go than explain the real reason they didn’t get to say goodbye. If they knew the truth, it would have made it harder for them to understand what he was going through and why it took him so long to make a decision. He knew that everything would have been different if he had just decided to leave the night before, when the rest of them wanted to go but there was no going back now.

He was trapped in his own thoughts. He was consumed by guilt and the knowledge that his relationship with his brothers would never recover from this and it was eating away at him. Whichever way he looked at it, his father died alone and it was his fault because he didn’t know if he could handle whatever was expected of him and if he would be able to lie or forgive or simply give his father whatever he wanted from him when they came face to face.  


	3. A Prolonged Torment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Focuses on Mark & Aaron's struggles after finding out his father is dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *this chapter is more of a basis for mark and aaron's stories are going to go throughout the rest of this story.
> 
> *sorry this chapter took so long to publish but i couldn't figure out where i wanted this story to go and have basically spent the last couple of months writing and re-writing it and i am finally happy with it.

_“I think hope is the worst thing in the world. I really do. It makes a fool of you while it lasts. And then when it's gone, it's like there's nothing left of you at all… except what you can't be rid of.”_

**Marilynne Robinson**

**Characters: Mark and Aaron.**

 

 _“Look, it’s getting dark, just come home.”_  Mark whispered.

“ _What? No!”_  Aaron snapped back.  _“I haven’t found him yet.”_

 _“Tyler could be anywhere and if he doesn’t want to be found, you won’t-”_  The dial tone went dead before Mark could continue.

A deafening silence filled the room as Mark stood there alone. It wasn't the first time he'd been in that house by himself but it felt different this time. This time, it dawned on him just how alone he really was. That he was completely isolated from everyone in his life and that feeling dredged up thoughts he'd have rather kept buried, forcing him to deal with everything that that happened over the last 24 hours. That feeling also brought about a sense of desperation in him to not be alone and to make sure that someone was there with him. Someone who would take his mind off everything so he wouldn't have to deal with his thoughts or feel conflicted and the only person he could think of was Aaron. He knew Aaron’s priority had been Tyler since the moment he took off but everything he was going through drowned out those concerns until the only thing he could think about was himself and whether or not he was going to be okay.

His mind was all over the place, as numerous thoughts, both past and present came rushing to the surface. He thought about Memory Cove, the first time he got behind the wheel of a car, his father sitting beside him trying to remain calm as he nearly drove into a brick wall, his arrival in Erinsborough and how meeting Kate changed his life, his father teaching him to change a tire and when they went camping – all those thoughts made him realise how much he missed his father. It wasn’t the first time. He'd thought about the relationship they had when he was a child and how happy they were many times over the years but he'd always managed to push the idea out of his mind but it felt different this time. He was dead. He was out of his life forever and it made him miss him even more, reminding him that those early days were all that he had. That those memories were all old ones, there were no new memories at all and there was still so much he didn't know. Things he wanted answers to. Why did he become a mechanic? What made him fall in love with mum? How did they really meet? Why did he always laugh whenever he chased his shadow? Those questions started playing on his mind, reminding him that they could have had a proper relationship and he would have learnt the answers to those questions over the years instead of needing to ask horrible questions that just made everything more real. 

Why was he the one his father had lied to? Why did he paint Tyler in such a bad way when he was talking to him? Did he blame him for the collapse of their family and ending up alone? Did he hate him for leaving? Had he forgiven him for leaving? That was the one he thought about the most. He walked away a long time ago and created a new life for himself. One away from his family, away from Port Lincoln. He knew that Tyler never forgave him for leaving, no matter what he said he couldn’t help but think his father felt the same way. That this was all his fault and that was why he lied and deceived him - because he left. Because his actions started it all and he was so close to knowing the truth, to having all the answers only to have it ripped away from him in a split second and left wondering what could've been. How different everything could've been if he hadn't stayed away or kept in touch in a way that didn't consist of a phone call every couple of months. If he’d found a way to work through the negativity, talked to him and understood why he was like that and helped him through it instead of cutting him off because he couldn’t handle it. If he had just realised early enough what was going on, he could have saved their family and prevented everything that happened to Tyler or at least taken him out of that environment before things got really bad. 

-•-

Aaron slowly made his way back home. He’d been looking for Tyler for hours and the longer it took to find him, the more concerned he was about whether or not he was okay. He was in a terrible state when he took off and he knew that anything could have happened to him but Mark was right, it was getting late and Tyler could be anywhere but he didn't want to just give up and go home. Not when Tyler needed him and not when the alternative was being around Mark, which was the last thing he wanted to do. He tried to keep Mark out of his thoughts but the moment his mind shifted away from Tyler, all he could think about was all the answers he needed and if it wasn't for Mark, he might have gotten them. He knew it wasn't all Mark's fault and tried not to blame him. He left too. He walked away and left Tyler there, alone with their father just like Mark had but it felt different somehow. As though, things would have been different all round if Mark hadn't left. His actions kick started everything and he screwed over their family in the process, pushing their father to the point where everything walked away and their family fell apart. If Mark had been there, he might not have felt like he had to leave. It was something that had been building for years and that last day in Port Lincoln was the final nail in the coffin - he just couldn't handle it anymore. All he could think about was that, Mark could have done something to stop their lives from going in the direction it has and that if he did, he may have stayed at home, with Tyler and he might have finally understood his place in the family and the fact that he never had one and didn't know why.

It was one of the questions he intended to ask his father the last time he'd seen him. But at the time, he was just so happy that his father had finally accepted him for who he was and wanted a relationship with him and he didn't want to do anything that might spoil it. So he ignored everything he wanted to ask in the hopes that he could still do it one day in the future but once they found out what he'd done to Tyler and now that he was dead, he realised that everything he didn't want to risk losing cost him what he really wanted. There was still so much that they needed to deal with once and for all. He needed to know why he felt like an outsider and why he never seemed to belong in the family and his father was the best person to tell him, more so than the rest of his family as he was the one who was indifferent towards him. It was something he'd felt his entire life. It never went away. As though it followed him from Port Lincoln to Erinsborough, wherever his family were, it was obvious he didn't belong there and no matter what he did, that feeling was always there, making him feel like no one ever really cared about him, like he wasn't important enough to even worry about. That was what hurt the most and the only person who could explain why was gone. 

-•-

The front door opened and Aaron walked in, turning the light to see Mark sitting in Tyler’s chair, completely motionless.

 _“Tyler not back yet?”_ Aaron asked, catching Mark’s attention.

 _“Um… No. Not yet.”_ Mark responded softly.

 _“Are you alright?”_  Aaron said.

 _“I, erm… Yeah. Kind of, I guess.”_ Mark whispered, smiling gently. “ _What about you? Are you alright?”_

“I don’t know. _I’m not… I’m not sure. There was so much I needed to talk to dad about and now…”_

_“Yeah. I know the feeling. There was-“_

_“Look,"_  Aaron said, cutting Mark off mid-sentence. _"I’m going to get an early night. I want to head off early if Tyler isn’t back by morning.”_  

“Um… okay.” Mark said softly as he watched Aaron walk towards his room and close the door behind him.


	4. 17th November 2001

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback: Focuses on what happened the day Fay and Chloe left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- this fic is going to have quite a few flashback chapters, focusing on each of the characters in the story and it will work as a means of exploring different parts of their journey and help develop them. they might seem a little random, both in terms of when these chapters happen and what they focus on but it is all there for a very specific reason. 
> 
> \- each flashback chapter is presented from an objective pov. the characters themselves, even though it focuses on their thoughts and feelings, it more about what actually happened during that event, day etc. therefore, these chapters will be written and presented differently. 
> 
> \- this is chloe first chapter. at this point, i am intending for her to be in at least 5-6 chapters but that could change as the story progresses.

_Fay sat alone in the garden, tapping her fingers on the table, biting her lips and breathing heavily while she read and re-read the documents in front of her as the radio next to her played at full volume in an attempt to drown out the sound of the harsh intensity of the winds. The weather forecast from the night before described the day as being hot and sunny but as the hours went by, that seemed less likely to be the case and instead, it was clear that a storm was on the horizon._

_The documents were for a house in Adelaide. It was a double story with enough room for all five of them and located in the suburbs, close to both schools and public transport. All of her savings had gone into purchasing the house but even with it ready to move into, she wasn’t sure she’d made the right decision and because of that, she hadn’t put an actual plan in place for what was going to happen next. There were no bags packed, no furniture in the new house, she hadn't even told anyone what was going on_ _– she was at a point where she just hoped everything would work out the way she wanted it too. Especially since she realised, now more than ever that she couldn’t stay there, in that house with Russell._

_When she and Russell were together, it was like mixing fire and water together. On their own, they weren’t exactly perfect but it was manageable. When they were together, however it was completely destructive. To each other and anyone around them. It had slowly been getting worse for years. Every time another child was born, something changed and no matter how much they tried_ _, it just never seemed to get better. If anything, the situation was completely out of control and was now getting worse by the minute._ _They were fighting almost every single day. There was no point to their arguments anymore. It was just spite on top of spite. She’d say something that would make Russell angry and lose his temper and then he would turn around and do the same thing to her. She wasn’t even thinking about what she was saying anymore, about how much damage she was doing and got to the point where, whateve_ _r came into her mind and if it would hurt him, she said it. She couldn’t even remember most of it. She hadn’t thought much of it until that day, when the phone rang._

“Mum…” _Mark said softly, between deep and heavy breaths. “_ There’s… there’s been an accident. It’s… Mum, it’s Chloe.”

_That moment changed everything. It was a wake-up call, one she desperately needed and it made her realise that everything was out of control. It was so bad that she couldn’t stay there any longer. She couldn’t even remember what she said to him that day. All she knew was that he’d stormed off and a few hours later, Chloe was in hospital. Russell and the boys said it was an accident but she couldn’t let go of the idea that this happened because of her and if she stayed there, it could get worse for all of them._

_It was now or never._

_Russell had left with the boys early that morning. He’d taken Tyler to football practice, Aaron to his friend’s house and Mark with him to the garage. He would be out for the majority of the day but the boys would be home soon, especially Tyler and if the weather was going to get as bad as she thought it would._ _She had plenty of time to prepare and get everything they needed and have everyone ready to leave._ _She couldn’t put it off any longer. She turned off the radio and grabbed the documents, holding them close to her chest as she stood up and quickly ran to the door and_ _went inside, continuing to run up the stairs and barged into Chloe’s room as she was laying on the bed._

“Mum?”   _Chloe asked, concerned as she sat up. “_ What’s wrong?”

“Pack your things – just some clothes and anything you might need.”

“What?” _Chloe whispered._

“Now. We’re leaving.” _Fay said, demanding._

_Fay walked out of Chloe’s room, closing the door behind her as Chloe rolled off the bed, walking over to the wardrobe and pulling out a heavy bag with her left hand. The bag was full of clothes except for a blanket that was draped over the top of it. She dragged the bag along the ground, placing it next to her as she sat on the bed lo_ _oking at the door and walking out, heading into Mark, Aaron and Tyler's room where_ _she grabbed a bag and started filling each of them with whatever clothes she could find._

_Fay opened the door to her bedroom, closing it and leaning against it for a minute, taking a deep breath before grabbing a suitcase from under the bed and grabbing all of her clothes and papers and throwing it in. Desperately trying to make everything fit before looking up and turning around, as she heard a car pull into the driveway. Walking towards the window and pushing the curtain aside, she looked down and saw Russell getting out of the car and headed towards the front door. Chloe came out of Tyler’s room and paused in the hallway, hearing the door open and close before hurrying into her room, with all the bags and closing the door behind her. Russell made his way up the stairs and walked into the bedroom, pausing to find Fay standing in behind a packed, open suitcase._

“What’s this?” _Russell inquired, pointing to the suitcase._

 _Fay looked look up before closing the suitcase and zipping it up._ “What does it look like?”

“You can’t leave!”

“The hell I can’t. I can’t do it anymore!” _Fay yelled, gesturing violently in front of her._ “It’s like living in a nightmare.”

“So, you’re just going to take off and leave the boys behind?” _Russell asked, edging closer to Fay._ “Some mother you are.”

“No. I’m taking them with me and Chloe too.”

“The hell you are!” _Russell’s eyes widened, as he whispered angrily before raising his voice and lunging at Fay as she jumped back. “_ You are NOT TAKING MY SONS!”

“Your sons?” _Fay tilted her head back and laughed bitterly. “_ What about Chloe? Oh, that’s right. You would actually have to want her to care about where she was.”

 _Russell clenched his teeth as Fay looked him._ “Is that what this is about? I told you. It was an accident.”

“SHE ENDED UP IN HOSPITAL!”

“NOT BECAUSE OF ME! I TOLD YOU – I DIDN’T TOUCH HER!”

“OH, PLEASE! Now…” _Fay grabbed the suitcase and pushed past Russell to open the door._ “Get OUT OF MY WAY!”

_Chloe slowly edged closer to the door, resting her left hand on the door and leaning in to hear what her parents were saying as Fay started to walk out the door and Russell grabbed her from behind, pushing her back, slamming the door shut violently and causing Chloe to jump back in fright._

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” _Fay screamed out._

_She dropped the suitcase as she pushed Russell’s hands away before picking them up again and pushing her way past him and charging through the door as she headed towards the stairs._

“Chloe!”

_Fay called out, running down the stairs and into the kitchen as Russell followed her, standing with her back against the door and holding onto the door handle as Russell stood in the door frame. Chloe slowly unlocked the door and poked her head out, before picking up all four bags, carrying her own on her right shoulder, Tyler’s on her left shoulder and holding onto Mark and Aaron’s with her left hand as she made her way downstairs._

“CHLOE!” _Fay yelled out._

“I’m coming.” _Chloe responded before whispering to herself, winching in pain._ “I’m coming.”

 _Russell walked out of the door frame and towards her._ “You want to leave, fine! But you aren’t taking them.”

_Fay looked at him nervously, putting her head down and breathing heavily before it jerked up as Chloe walked into the kitchen. Dropping all the bags on the ground as she held her right arm and looked over at her father, who didn’t acknowledge her or her presence._

“Mum?” _Chloe said softly._

 _Fay opened the door and stepped aside, gesturing outside._ “Go and sit in the car.”

“What?” _Chloe looked around confused. “_ But, what about…”

“Now!” _Fay said through clenched teeth._

_Chloe looked at her father nervously as he turned to look at her, shaking his head and she slowly lent down and picked up her bag, leaving the other three laying on the ground and walked out of the door as Fay turned to go after her._

“Take her but I will not let you take my boys.”

_Fay turned back to look at him, before walking out the door as Russell stood there, seething. Kicking the bags as they lay on the ground and throwing a vase at the closed door before he grabbed hold of his head with both hands. Fay walked to the car as fast as she could, carrying the suitcase. Placing it in the boot as she opened the door and sat in, looking over at Chloe who was in the front seat next to her._

“We are going to come back for them, right?” _Chloe said sadly and concerned._

 _Fay turned to look at Chloe._ “Of course, we are. Look, once we get settled in, we’ll be back for them. I promise.”

_Fay smiled, softly as Chloe turned away from her, unconvinced and Fay looked down, closing her eyes in defeat as she started the car and drove away._


	5. Sorrow Waited... and Won!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Focuses on Chloe's struggles after finding out her father is dead.

_“I felt very still and empty, the way the eye of a tornado must feel, moving dully along in the middle of the surrounding hullabaloo.”_

**Sylvia Plath**

 

** Feature Character: Chloe Brennan **

 

She slowly walked into the bathroom, her bare feet dragging along on the cold tiles and she stared ahead in a daze as she turned the hot water to full pressure, took off her dressing gown off and turned off the light before walking into the shower. Standing directly under the water and looking up, as she used her hands to brush the hair away from her face and held the sides of her neck with both hands.

 _“It’s your father…”_ Fay said, softly as her voice started to break up and she struggled to get the words out. _“The hospital called and he… his condition got worse and sweetheart, he’s passed away.”_

‘His condition? When did he end up in hospital?’

She thought to herself as the water became so hot that her skin turned red and started to burn. She closed her eyes and clenched her teeth violently as she winched in pain, pressing her hands against the wall before turning around and falling into the wall before sliding down and sitting on the ground. Bringing her knees to her chest and holding them so tightly that her arms started to ache. With the windows closed, steam filled the room and made it harder to breathe as she gasped for air and closed her eyes as water came crashing down on and around her as she sat there, in the dark, rocking back and forth.

She didn’t even know he was sick. No one had bothered to contact her and why would they? They probably thought she wouldn’t be bothered either way and they would have been right. Despite him being her father, she really didn’t have a lot of reasons to care about him. He never wanted to see or spend time with her anymore than she wanted to see and spend time with him – not since that day anyway. Even when she was a child, he always made her feel like she was an obligation. Someone he was forced to care about, to look after and spend time with because she was there. He made her secret of it and no matter how hard she tried, she could never get a straight answer out of anyone that would help her understand why she always felt like a stranger living among another family. A family who came to love and accept her as one of their own except one – the person who never stopped treating her like she didn’t belong. Now, finding out he was dead, it was like the shoe was on the other foot. This time, he was the stranger. He'd only ever been a father in the biological sense. There was no connection between them and now, she was the one who felt obligated to care about him and by extension, grieve for him.

She wanted to call her brothers, check on them and see how they were coping but she knew they didn’t want to hear from her. They resented and hated and blamed her because she was the reason for the divorce and she didn’t want to hear them say the words: that it was her fault. Not again. She’d heard it once before and it cut deep. Changing the  way she looked at herself, at her family and her mother and it caused her to cut herself off from everyone around her. It was her fault their lives were the way they were and she didn't know how to deal with that. If the accident hadn’t happened, their parents might have found a way to work through their problems but instead, she was whisked away to Adelaide with her mum while they were all stuck in Port Lincoln, with a toxic father who was just getting worse and worse by the day. Everything could have been different for them if it wasn’t for her. Her mother might have stayed or she would have waited and taken them all of them with her when she left. She got the perfect life while her brothers’ lives were contaminated, changed by that and Tyler especially – his entire life had been stolen from him and he ended up paying for all of them leaving and it all started that day. 

She started thinking back to the day of the accident. She’d listened to them arguing all morning, each saying something worse than the other and it got to the point where she held her hands over her ears to drown them out. She sat on her bed for what felt like hours as her brothers were outside when suddenly her father barged into her room, pushing the door open violently and ordering her to be ready in five minutes because she was going with them to the garage. He was so angry that his face was red and she didn't want to be anywhere near him, especially when he was like that but despite her protests and concerns, she couldn’t get out of it and within a few hours, she was being rushed to hospital. Looking back, she couldn’t even remember if he did anything or if it really was an accident. Her mother’s voice was going over and over in her mind, constantly asking and questioning and doubting her versions of events to the point where she couldn’t even be sure of what happened.

All she knew was that something happened. 

A part of her wondered if her mother deliberately set him off that morning to provoke him into doing something. Making him angry to the point where she would have a reason to leave him without looking like the bad guy but instead, being seen as nothing more than a mother just trying to protect her children. She didn’t want to think like that or blame her but everything was a mess and both of them had reached the point where hurting each other was their priority and they didn't think or care about what they were doing to them in the process and she started to realise she needed to get away before it was too late. As soon as she got home from the hospital, she started packing – taking a few clothes and blanket for when the nights got cold. She hadn't thought about where she was going or who she'd stay with, she just knew she had to get out of there but her plans changed dramatically when Tyler walked in and realised she was going to run away, running up to her and hugging her, crying into her shoulder and begging her to stay as she closed her eyes, realising she couldn't leave and decided to stay, for him. When she did leave, she would take him with her. But, she worried too if Tyler didn't want to leave, if she was forced to stay in that house what would happen to her? 

The longer she watched them, the more she realised she was at risk of turning out like them. Being with someone who treated her like that or being the one to treat another person like that. She realised early on just how destructive love and commitment could be. She’d seen how quickly and easily it could become harmful too many times to ever take that risk. But she'd realised, after they left that it wasn't just her parents. They were the first she was exposed to but never the last. It was also her friends and neighbours and people she’d gone to school with. People ending up in toxic and unhealthy relationships or being with people who they weren’t compatible with and then clashing, cheating or hurting one another, being taken advantage of and even ending up in abusive relationships. Seeing that, every day as she was growing up, it made her overly cautious but she also saw things that others couldn’t or didn’t want to – she didn’t have that luxury. She knew what the signs were, what to look out for. It was in every aspect of her life and it was awful and something that scared her off relationships with both men and women. That stopped her from ever letting people in or allowing herself to get close to anyone in case something happened. 

That was the tragedy of it.

She knew her brothers believed she'd been spared by being taken away but the reality was that she hadn't been spared of anything and it was something that was becoming clearer the more she thought about it, reminding her that while she hadn't suffered their fate - her life had changed but it just happened in a different way. A way that no one noticed or even cared because it wasn't obvious or destructive or detrimental enough but it was something that effected her everyday life. Something that hurt her relationship with her brothers and her mother and her friends. 

It was something that changed the way she felt about herself and that was a feeling that just never went away.  

**Author's Note:**

> if you want to discuss anything relating to this fic; feel free to message me at @sonyarebecchi on tumblr or @teamrebecchi on twitter :)


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